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veteran owned & operated
Testimonials From Some of Our Satisfied Customers
"This daily face wash is a game-changer. It’s like a deep clean and a wake-up call for my skin every morning. My face feels smooth, refreshed, and ready to take on the day. Highly recommend!"
Mike R.
ex-smell boy
"I’ve never been big on skincare, but this face wash changed the game for me. It’s quick, easy, and leaves my face feeling clean and refreshed without any fuss. My skin’s never looked this good—smooth, clear, and healthy. Definitely part of my daily routine now!"
Jake M.
Another ex-smelly boy
"Smooth Facial Wash gets it right—cleans deep without drying me out. My face feels fresh and looks sharp. Easy to use and works like a charm."
Luke R.
Another ex-smelly boy
You have questions.The colonel has answers.
Does Smooth work for guys with beards, or will it turn my face forest into a disaster zone?
Smooth was engineered with facial hair in mind because the Colonel knows many of his troops sport tactical face fur. The formula effectively cleans the skin beneath your beard without stripping away essential oils that keep your facial hair looking its best. In fact, many of our bearded test subjects report their face forests looking healthier and feeling softer after regular Smooth deployments. The micro-exfoliants are gentle enough not to irritate beard-covered skin but effective enough to eliminate dead cells and prevent the dreaded "beard dandruff." Just work it through with your fingers, paying special attention to the skin underneath, and you'll be good to go.
I've got acne-prone skin. Will Smooth make me break out?
Negative, soldier. The Colonel designed Smooth specifically for men's thicker, oilier, and sometimes problem-prone skin. Unlike that harsh garbage you've been using that strips your face like an overzealous drill sergeant, Smooth balances your skin with natural ingredients that fight breakouts without turning your mug into the Sahara Desert. Our formula removes excess oil while maintaining your skin's natural defensive barriers. The result? Fewer breakouts, less irritation, and no shiny forehead reflecting satellite signals back to space. We've tested this on guys with everything from occasional flare-ups to full-blown pizza face situations, and the mission reports have been overwhelmingly positive.
How often am I supposed to use this stuff?
For optimal results, deploy Smooth once every other day. But the Colonel understands not all soldiers follow protocol perfectly. At minimum, use it 2-3x per week— Each operation takes less than 30 seconds: wet face, apply quarter-sized amount, rub in circular motion, rinse, done. That's less time than it takes to check sports scores or swipe through dating profiles, and significantly more beneficial to your long-term strategic objectives with either activity.
What makes Smooth better than just using whatever bar soap is already in my shower?
Using bar soap on your face is like using sandpaper as toilet paper—technically possible, but a terrible idea for sensitive areas. That bar in your shower has a pH level higher than your IQ should be, stripping away vital oils and leaving your face drier than the Colonel's sense of humor. Smooth is specifically calibrated for facial terrain with the perfect balance of cleansing agents, exfoliants, and moisturizing elements that actually prevent aging and skin damage. Plus, the microfine scrubbing particles in Smooth eliminate dead skin cells and ingrown hairs that bar soap just laughs at. Your face is the first thing people see—unless you're at a nude beach, in which case you'd better be using our Swamp Cream too—so maybe don't clean it with the same bar you use on your armpits.
